#ev3 Quote Archive

<champ> anyway, time to go drink tea, read a book and relax
<TwoJacks> you can call masturbating whatever yo want champ
<@xtal> but tea contains caffeine
<TwoJacks> I call it jackin' the beanstock
<TwoJacks> But we all know what we're really doing
<champ> heh
<@xtal> one does not simply relax after drinking tea
<champ> I do
<TwoJacks> caffine rarely works well on me
<TwoJacks> Probably because of my mass
<champ> well, I'm drinking tea without caffeine
<champ> ...ive dong?
<Oscar> **** YES
<TwoJacks> why thank you

<Kanis> omg
<Kanis> porkchops
<Kanis> take mayo and rub it on the porchops and them coat in bread crumbs
* Sierro takes mayo and rubs it on his naked body
<Kanis> and salt and pepper
<Kanis> and bake at 325 for 1 hour
* Kanis shudders
* champ adds salt and pepper to Sierro
<Sierro> lower
* Kanis pukes
...

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<xtal> If you spend nine minutes of your time to save a dollar, you're working for less than minimum wage.
* champ needs to find someone to pay him two dollars to masturbate

  <xtal> ejaaaaculaaaaate
  <Sierro> xtal should be a buddhist monk or something
  <Sierro> he would just drop these nuggets of nonsensical wisdom all the time
  <Sierro> xtal, you're the only person I've met who communicates almost exclusively though koans
  <xtal> i'll your trees
  <xtal> bees being
  <TwoJacks> koans?
  <mrxak> zen buddihsm
  <Sierro> "what is the sound of one hand clapping" is a koan
  <xtal> "you can't be being the being bee" is also a koan
  <Alistair> A student asked master xtal, "master xtal, does a dog have mrxak-nature or not?" xtal said, "dicks"
  <TwoJacks> heh
  <xtal> yes

<Erik> Midget porn ironically takes up lots of space.

<Erik> Period sex? YOU CAN'T CALL YOURSELF A WARRIOR UNTIL YOU'VE GOT BLOOD ON YOUR SWORD.

<xtal> you're only a hipster if you hate coldplay but also only like bands that sound just like coldplay

<Pikeman> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_collective_nouns
<Pikeman> a gulp of cormorants
<Pikeman> a business of ferrets
<Pikeman> an array of hedgehogs
<Pikeman> a bloat of hippopotamuses
<Pikeman> a mess of iguanas
<Pikeman> a smack of jellyfish
<Pikeman> an exaltation of larks
<Pikeman> a fleet of mudhens
<Pikeman> a parliment of owls
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<nonsensical> rpg is an element of the set of awesome
<nonsensical> and sex is an element of awesome
<nonsensical> but the intersection of sex and online rpg's is the nullset

<Sierro> wow
<Sierro> I just dominated luna in escape velocity
<Sierro> 3,176 gunboats/patrol ships
<TwoJacks> nice
<TwoJacks> did the same with ur mom
<TwoJacks> cept she let out orgasms

<Erik> Anime is basically porn in the sense that it's something you watch while crying and masturbating alone.

<Cippy> holy hell
<Cippy> i didn't know EV fan fiction existed
<Cippy> ...and now i'm hard

  <xtal> ****
  <xtal> i'm old
  <Sierro> how old are you
  <xtal> sufficiently old
  <Sierro> 75?
  <xtal> that i need to get to work on finding a vagina to stick my penis in
  <xtal> if i'm to match oscar's prowess
  * Alisha (~Alicia@c-98-236-148-85.hsd1.pa.comcast.net) has joined #ev3
  <xtal> no
  <xtal> no
  <xtal> anything but that
  <Sierro> haha

  <Sierro> KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
  <Sierro> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
  <Sierro> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
  <Sierro> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
  <Sierro> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
  <Sierro> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
  <Sierro> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
  <Sierro> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
  <Sierro> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
  <Sierro> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
  <Sierro> this has been another test of the emergency khaaaaaaaaan system
  <Sierro> were you actually imprisoned in the centre of a dead planet, the previous khaaaaaaaaaan would have been followed by several more like it
  <Sierro> thank you for your time.
  <Jen> hahhahahahahahahahahah

<Erik> I wish that Google had a setting so I could only see results that are marked as unsafe.

<xtal> I am a trekker. I am a devout fan, but not enough to spend all my waking hours sewing costumes, assembling prop replicas, going to conventions, learning klingon, quibbling over the finer points of canon, and not having sex.
<xtal> which is to say
<xtal> while i'm not having sex anyway
<xtal> it's not star trek's fault.

<Razzle> Kids, what do you call it when you go live in nature for a while, and experience the wildlife
<Razzle> Apparently it is not camping?
<xtal> bestiality?
<xtal> wait.

<xtal> i want a woman
<xtal> around my penis
<xtal> NOW
<naph> If you don't have anything nice to say, wait until you can use a backhanded compliment.
<xtal> My, you're prettier than usual today.

<xtal> so
<xtal> guise
<xtal> some voluptuous black lady is chatting me up on okcupid.
<Pikeman> does she know you're a scrawny white rod-bearer?
<xtal> assuming she has eyes and can see a photograph on a website
<xtal> yes.
<Pikeman> also what is okcupid
<Pikeman> I can only assume it's better than ****offcupid
<xtal> it is a hating site.
<xtal> you know, like one of those things oscar keeps going off about, only americaner
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<`naph> modern warfare 2 was a pile of poop.
<adam> was it enjoyable poop?
<adam> like a satisfying dump?
<`naph> not really
<adam> or was it one that squeezed out like some cake icing
<adam> and didn't seem to wipe off
<adam> no matter how hard you tried
<`naph> it was more like that one **** that didn't make it out of your arse
<`naph> and gets stuck halfway out
<`naph> and you can't pull it in or out
<adam> turtle head
<`naph> so you spend 20 mins straining for it to go one way or the other
<`naph> then when it finally comes out, a big black guys comes up and rapes you
<adam> that's horrible
<`naph> thats mw2
<adam> haha

<Erik> My mom and sister used to be so horrified when I'd take my laptop into the bathroom, because they had this impression that I talked to weird, horrible people on the internet while we all pooped ... which is pretty much true, but whatever.

<poofy> and this is a picture of my organ: [link]
<xtal> i clicked on that link
<xtal> expecting a picture of an organ
<xtal> and i'm presented
<xtal> with a picture of the same kind of organ i was thinking of
<xtal> well played.

<xtal> anti, we have a light rail system that, through tax subsidies, maintains a fee of about $8 to get from santa fe to albuquerque, one way
<xtal> this is cheaper than driving
<xtal> but not cheaper than carpooling
<anti> driving is fun though
<xtal> I have to pay additional sales tax to support the ****ing thing.
<anti> when you have a mustang
<anti> and can go fast
<xtal> that i never use.
<anti> and create a carbon footprint
<xtal> You know what's mind boggling?
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   Felicia: <Vader> Impressive
     mrxak: how else would you say the word "impressive" Oscar?
   Felicia: like a hack tech journalist
   Felicia: or like a girl i've just undressed in front of
       Jon: You mean sarcastically, Oscar?
            Felicia claps
   Felicia: I AM SO BURNT
   Felicia: ****
   Felicia: i'm never gonna live that one down

<anti> i once wrote a letter to my mom at the age of 4
<anti> it was about me wanting to go to in n out
<anti> i then did the same to my girlfriend when she was pissy with me
<TwoJacks> 'My dad likes to drinker licker it makes him happy and sad sometimes'
<anti> i won on both
<anti> it was awesome
<TwoJacks> heh
<TwoJacks> I bet is was
<anti> i got in n out with my mom, and lots of sex with my girlfriend
<anti> which, i'm glad it happened in that order
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<Oscar> how do you fit such history and so many people into such a tiny area you nutters
<Oscar> with so much regional accent variation
<Fluffy> thousands of years to distill the interesting bits
<Fluffy> Rather than just "Kangaroos and blacks. And we killed all the blacks."
<Steeley> HAHA
<Steeley> HAHA
<Steeley> BEST SUMMARY OF AUSTRALIA EVER

<Ned> xtal
<xtal> ned
<Ned> what should I get my oldest sister and my mom for christmas?
<xtal> a vibrator and a male prostitute
<Ned> I said my oldest sister and mom
<Ned> not you
<xtal> ok
<xtal> a male prostitute and a vibrator
<Ned> I'm not getting you a gift, xtal
<xtal> :(

<Erik> I wish we were more like gorillas, in that eating bugs out of each others hair was considered romantic.

<KanerixWolfe> Pimpin' ain't easy...
* Floozy (~Floozy@203-129-23-37.cust.aussiebb.net) has joined #ev3
<Pikeman> !